The Good Life, Greek Style

When I was in college, I took a two week trip to Greece. I visited the paltry remains of a great empire, got pretty trashed on ouzo, blah blah blah. The Greek boys were the most educational part of my experience. Like, for instance, did you know that “Greek style” meant anal sex? I didn’t.

And when fashionable young Greek boys weren’t trying to persuade me not to be so American so they could put it in my butt, I learned a lot more about the randy traditions that lay the foundations of modern Greece. The bacchanalia that inspired the Roman Empire and laid the foundation for Western culture before the Puritans came and ruined it all.

And recently, archaeologist Clare Kelly Blazeby of the University of Leeds, UK re-examined some ancient Greek remains for evidence of the good life represented in plays and songs recovered from the time before Christ: boozing, screwing, gorging, general shenanigans. And what she discovered was that the reason that modern historians had been unable to find evidence of these activities was that they were looking in the wrong place.

Ancient Greek bacchanalia didn’t take place in brothels or pubs or any of the modern institutions we create to segregate the people who think life should be enjoyed. They did it right at home.
Why should paying customers suffer the indignity of pacing in front of the hooker store at 9AM, waiting for it to open? When hookers live where they hook and boozers live where they booze, it cuts down on a lot of commuting and detoxing.

Now that’s the good life. And Glazebrook’s research also proves that the good life was a much more egalitarian affair than previously thought. While women, slaves and foreigners may not have been able to vote, they could buy hookers or wine. Which are much more related to happiness anyway. I, for one, think this idea should be revisited. I know a lot of friends who would save a lot of commute money if they could just keep the hookers at their house and install a bar. Plus, you could charge the hookers rent and get freebies. A great idea to save money during the recession.