Is Joaquin Phoenix Living the Good Life?

I'd really like to think so. I really like Joaquin Phoenix. He as the quirky, dark quality that I like in an actor. And maybe when a chubbier, more hirsute Joaquin Phoenix announced the end of his acting career it was to search for a something better.

Maybe he knows more about rap than I do. Yup, that's right. In case you missed it, Joaquin Phoenix the actor is now Joaquin Phoenix the rapper. I couldn't make this shit up. I want to believe (despite watching actors like Britney Spears pack on the pounds and engage in, albeit less 'artistic', erratic behavior in a similar fashion before her meltdown) that his transition into rap music is part of his dynamic personality, and not a slow spiral into madness.

But the signs aren't good. If Joaquin is in his right mind, he definitely doesn’t look it. And I like chubby, hairy artistic types. But on him it looks less natural and more a sign of depression. It just does. And that’s before I saw the YouTube clip of his awkward performance.

As 34-year-old Joaquin head bobbed his way onstage on Saturday at Las Vegas’ club LAVO, he at least looked the part. Appropriately scruffy, and wearing a beanie he looked a little like the reggae/hip-hop artist Matisyahu. But that’s where the similarity ended. Any rapper will tell you that at least 40% of it is moxie. And when he was up there on stage, timidly trying to hype the crowd, he just looked awkward. And out of place. Like he lost a bet, or like he was finally coming down from the manic episode that led up to his unfortunate debut but had to follow through anyway.

And I haven’t even gotten to the lyrics yet. Just awful. From what I could tell from all that slurring on stage, the song is a dance track. A poorly produced version of all the industry fodder that clogs up the airwaves and keeps drunken twenty-somethings shaking their vapid little booties all night long. If that doesn’t give you a good enough idea, his new album will be produced by Puff Daddy. Yikes.

To top off his terrible performance, he fell. Off of the stage. He didn’t really trip or anything. He just sort of hilariously toppled over. I think I'm going to blame drugs. I mean, I don’t want to start a rumor or anything. That statement was probably just my brain trying to rationalize the information the television has been giving it. Maybe he’s completely sober. Maybe, unlike his brother River, he emerged unscathed from his early years in a cult and as a child street performer. And maybe, unlike his brother, his inability to deal with the public eye are not signs of an inability to cope. Maybe.

Maybe I'm just a hater. Maybe he knows more about the good life than I do. Maybe he's just stretching his wings and is doing it in a different way than I would. Maybe its none of my business. But it was just so goddamn weird, I had to put it in my blog.